Grown Men Who are so Afraid of a Woman Pouting

There is a book called He’s Just Not that into you https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001HC8516/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

There is another book called Be Honest – you are not that into him either https://www.amazon.com/Honest-Youre-Not-That-Into-Either/dp/0060834064/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1497722786&sr=8-1&keywords=you+are+not+that+into+him+either

The second book is a terribly written book that I hated reading so much that I left it in the bathroom of the cafe that I was reading it in.

However, I did learn one thing from the book that I wasn’t aware of. Now I wish I hadn’t left the book in the loo so that I could give you a direct quote. But as I recall, it goes something like this – a man rather get his arm ripped off by a herd of wild elephants than tell a woman that he is done with the relationship.

This really was news to me.

Did you know this? Well, I didn’t.

Once I read it I realized that I had experienced this both in long term relationships and also after I had just met a guy once or twice.

In the long term relationship I always ended it when I felt the relationship was turning sour, thinking I should leave before he does. Little did I know that the guy was behaving in ways that would compel me to leave. And here I was thinking I was being proactive and clever.

Okay, so I can understand the hesitation in ending a committed, once loving relationship in fear of the woman’s reaction. But after 1-2 or 3 dates? How childish is that?

And frustrating. Don’t even get me started with how damn frustrating and cowardly this behavior is.

I did an unscientific poll asking several guys if they ever failed to call a woman after one or two dates.

They all said yes.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I didn’t want to upset her.”

“Really? And by not calling her you are keeping her from being upset? I see.”

Jesus Christ! Men can be so stupid!

“I didn’t want to hear her moaning and groaning, or yelling at me,” said one guy.

This is a true story. A guy really told me this. A guy who seemed perfectly reasonable and sane to me.

Shows you how much I know.

I have news, dear men. If you tell a woman after the first or second date that you are not interested, most likely she will say thank you and that’ll be the end of that.

There are of course some women who will yell and scream and then boil your pet bunny – but that is a rare occurrence and I am not talking of those women.

And now for my question:

Dear Men, what is it that we women do that you do not understand?

Try to keep your answers short and succinct 🙂

In the end, I have to say this:

Dear men, why are you such babies and so flighty?

Until I date again!

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4 thoughts on “Grown Men Who are so Afraid of a Woman Pouting

  1. A friend of yours who cares about you asked me to read your blog as a courtesy and give you some feedback. Simply a friendly critique from one professional to another soon to be (hopefully!) professional. Take it FWIW. You are an earnest writer and it seems like you write form your heart. That is good. You like to write what you know about. That is also good. There is a sincerity to your tone and voice. Very good.

    Yet, these seem less like blogs (something that is meant to serve and audience) and more like diary (something that is meant to record one’s one private feelings) entries. They may be a lot of fun for you to write, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are enjoyable (at least in the way an earnest writer would hope) for a reader to read.

    I am assuming that you intend for these to inform and entertain with intelligence, emotional depth and feeling. Sometimes, they start off like that but then end up being self-serving. And just like nobody enjoys reading someone’s diary entries unless it is to glean gossip and salacious details- an impulse that comes straight from our impulse to look at car wrecks- Nobody wants to partake in something self-serving for too long.

    As a writer you want readers to sense your empathy and have empathy with you. This way, they feel like they are on your side. When you enter a space where you play yourself as a victim at the hands of horrible men, or where you somehow make yourself seem better than the men you date, while your own confessions might seem reactive and caustic, you enter a territory where it seem like unhinged ramblings. This makes your readers empathy and interest turn into a voyeuristic thank-god-im-not-that messed-up impulse. When that happens they stop trusting you. Or they only tune in for the outrage. Much like many of us (excluding me!) watch the people misbehaving on reality TV shows.

    Now, if your intention is to paint yourself as a 50-something car wreck- which I assume it is not- then it’s fine. But I get the sense that you start earnestly and then give in to your impulses and your writing starts to lose focus.

    Car crashes are fun to look at but nobody wants to be anywhere near them!

    You want your readers to feel like they’re sitting with you and sharing your experience, and not looking at it from a sanitary distance.

    If every time someone doesn’t behave the way you expect them to, and you reduce them to either “a motherfu**er” or “an a**hole” while winking and smiling at your own self-admitted bitchiness, intolerance or impatience, you come off as someone very, very thin-skinned and self-entitled. Think Donald Trump.

    Writing is much like cooking: you want the people you’ve cooked for to feel satisfied and full! Sure occasionally, there’s a piece of junky, tasty indulgence, but ultimately they need to trust you and feel your empathy for the world to blindly put your creations in their mouth. Same goes for their minds.

    Things working:
    -earnestness.
    -consistent updates.
    -honesty.

    Things I would like to see improved:
    -Less “cutesy” self-congratulatory stuff. Self-deprecation is funny. Self-congratulation is annoying. Check out Philip Lopate’s essay on humiliation essays.
    -Less victim-victor dynamic.
    -Much less lashing-out — Makes you seem like an unhinged crazy lady. YOU DO NOT WANT THAT BECAUSE I DON’T THINK YOU ARE THAT. You don’t want your readers to think… “No wonder she’s in her 50s and can’t find anyone to stick around!”
    -Fewer selfies! Very narcissistic.
    -Don’t speak for all women, speak for yourself and MAKE the other women come to your side!
    -No feet! Ew. Just ew!

    Hope this helps.
    JS

    Like

  2. A friend of yours who cares about you asked me to read your blog as a courtesy and give you some feedback. Simply a friendly critique from one professional to another soon to be (hopefully!) professional. Take it FWIW. You are an earnest writer and it seems like you write form your heart. That is good. You like to write what you know about. That is also good. There is a sincerity to your tone and voice. Very good.

    Yet, these seem less like blogs (something that is meant to serve and audience) and more like diary (something that is meant to record one’s one private feelings) entries. They may be a lot of fun for you to write, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are enjoyable (at least in the way an earnest writer would hope) for a reader to read.

    I am assuming that you intend for these to inform and entertain with intelligence, emotional depth and feeling. Sometimes, they start off like that but then end up being self-serving. And just like nobody enjoys reading someone’s diary entries unless it is to glean gossip and salacious details- an impulse that comes straight from our impulse to look at car wrecks- Nobody wants to partake in something self-serving for too long.

    As a writer you want readers to sense your empathy and have empathy with you. This way, they feel like they are on your side. When you enter a space where you play yourself as a victim at the hands of horrible men, or where you somehow make yourself seem better than the men you date, while your own confessions might seem reactive and caustic, you enter a territory where it seem like unhinged ramblings. This makes your readers empathy and interest turn into a voyeuristic thank-god-im-not-that messed-up impulse. When that happens they stop trusting you. Or they only tune in for the outrage. Much like many of us (excluding me!) watch the people misbehaving on reality TV shows.

    Now, if your intention is to paint yourself as a 50-something car wreck- which I assume it is not- then it’s fine. But I get the sense that you start earnestly and then give in to your impulses and your writing starts to lose focus.

    Car crashes are fun to look at but nobody wants to be anywhere near them!

    You want your readers to feel like they’re sitting with you and sharing your experience, and not looking at it from a sanitary distance.

    If every time someone doesn’t behave the way you expect them to, and you reduce them to either “a motherfu**er” or “an a**hole” while winking and smiling at your own self-admitted bitchiness, intolerance or impatience, you come off as someone very, very thin-skinned and self-entitled. Think Donald Trump.

    Writing is much like cooking: you want the people you’ve cooked for to feel satisfied and full! Sure occasionally, there’s a piece of junky, tasty indulgence, but ultimately they need to trust you and feel your empathy for the world to blindly put your creations in their mouth. Same goes for their minds.

    Things working:
    -earnestness.
    -consistent updates.
    -honesty.

    Things I would like to see improved:
    -Less “cutesy” self-congratulatory stuff. Self-deprecation is funny. Self-congratulation is annoying. Check out Philip Lopate’s essay on humiliation essays.
    -Less victim-victor dynamic.
    -Much less lashing-out — Makes you seem like an unhinged crazy lady. YOU DO NOT WANT THAT BECAUSE I DON’T THINK YOU ARE THAT. You don’t want your readers to think… “No wonder she’s in her 50s and can’t find anyone to stick around!”
    -Fewer selfies! Very narcissistic.
    -No feet! Ew. Just ew!

    Hope this helps.
    JS

    Like

    1. I thank you for your feedback. I shall definitely take it into consideration

      About the selfies, I noticed that a picture attracts people to the posts. And since I can’t put a picture of the person that I may be talking about – I am left with the selfies.

      I would love to know who this caring friend is so I may thank them

      In the meantime, I thank you for taking the time to write me

      Would love a link to your writings and good luck with your pursuits

      Like

    2. Just know that I shall be addressing this comment on my blog/diary. I have things to say – I hope you don’t perceive it as me being ungracious for the time you took to read my words and also respond to them.

      Like

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