Come to Paris with Me

I can only text so long before I lose my mind


Lets see if I can do this right and make you understand what I am trying to say.

I should’ve written this last night when it happened and was all fresh in my head, me brimming with all the emotions, most of which were negative and confused.

I got a sweet message from an amazingly good looking guy a few days ago. He was funny and the banter was just the right kind of flirty and witty. We exchanged phone numbers almost immediately and the conversation only got funnier and sexier.

When the conversation moved from the basic to things more serious – lets just call it, I answered, “Too much to type. How about we speak on the phone.”

“I’m in a meeting.”

Hmmmmm, that’s some meeting but okay.

“Why don’t we speak later,”he said.

Turned out we couldn’t coordinate our schedules, I was going to see a play that evening and he was going to a late dinner.

The banter continued. Even after I came out of the play, I texted him. “You are not one of those who texts in plays, are you?” he said.

“No the play has finished. I am home. However, I do text while watching Bill Maher.”

We talked about Bill Maher and realized we had much in common as far as our thinking goes. That is always promising.

He told me he was at the restaurant waiting for his friends.

“Hope you are enjoying a nice drink at the bar – send me a picture of you,” I just said, not thinking anything much or meaning anything at all.

I knew the restaurant he was at and just thought it would be nice to see a picture of him at that moment.

“I don’t do that.”

“Fine, no problem.”

“I loathe selfies and all the tourists with the selfie sticks in NYC,” he continued.

“I got it, no selfies,” making a mental note and smiling to myself since I take about a dozen selfies a day.

He wasn’t done. There was a tirade on selfies and it went on for some time.

“Listen, I got it. You don’t do selfies. Could you drop it please.”

There was some more texting for a bit, then his friends came. I told him to enjoy dinner and wished him a good night.

“Good afternoon, how are you?” he texted me the next day.

“I’m well, how was dinner?”

“It was great. I ordered the pasta you said you loved.”

“Cool, what are you up to?”

“Am with my niece and we are watching Beauty and the Beast.”

“Enjoy the movie and cute niece, talk to you later.”

“No, lets keep talking.”

“Okay,” and we did for a long time.

Mind you, we are still texting.

He was leaving for Paris on Monday – this is Saturday. “Come to Paris with me.”

“Tempting, maybe next time,” I replied.

That night we talked some more, and when I say talked … we texted.

You getting the picture?

The conversation was more personal, a lot of questions about each other which was nice.

Still texting.

The initial humor and flirtations turned into major intensity. And I don’t mean intensity about me. Certain things I would say, he would call me on and wanted to argue. He also had the habit of repeating things to make a point.

“Don’t take each word I say literally,” I responded. “It is fucking hard to have these deep conversations on text. Call me.”

“Lets talk tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’m gonna go to sleep now. Have a good night. Sweet dreams.”

“No stay.”

Two hours later, we are still texting.

Still no flirting and the humor has been thrown down the garbage chute, but the conversation is meaningful. He is a smart man. That is sexy to me.

Yesterday we were both busy during the day. He texted me in the night and said he was watching a movie with his parents who were visiting.

“Did you have a nice day with your parents?”

“Yes it was nice but now they are driving me crazy with their commentary on the movie.”

We talked about parents; the good bad and ugly.

It’s midnight on a Sunday night and I really want to sleep on time.

“You have a safe flight tomorrow. Have a baguette and runny cheese thinking of me.”

“Just once?” he says.

“No, think of me each time you bite into a baguette. How about that?”

“I could do that.”

“Great, talk to you from Paris.”

“No don’t go. Stay with me.”

Sigh. I’m such a pushover.

We texted. I learned he doesn’t speak on the phone till he feels ‘safe.’ Whatever the fuck that means.

Do you know, my dear readers what that means? Enlighten me. Please.

We kept texting. We talked of the book I am writing. He gave me some advice. The advice was good but sometimes his tone was dick-ish.

“Come to Paris with me.”

Can I say again, we haven’t spoken on the phone yet but I should come to Paris with him.

I was too tired and sleepy to say this to him.

It’s 2:30 in the morning and we are still texting.

The few times I told him that I must sleep, he just ignored it and kept texting.

Now I was getting irritated and annoyed.

“Are you ignoring me saying that I want to sleep?”

“Yes I am.”


Things got weird around 2:45 when I typed out something he had said about women earlier.

“It’s 2:45 am. I am a woman. Please let me sleep now.”

Once again, he ignored me and kept up with his train of thought.

“What’s the end goal here? When are you going to let me sleep?”

“Ten more minutes.”

“And you totally ignored and dismissed my cute and funny statement earlier.”

“It was neither cute nor funny.”



Now started a new tirade, “I find it weird that a grown woman is asking for compliments. I don’t just give compliments to get women into bed.”

What the fuck. Who is getting into who’s bed? I missed something here.

I don’t talk on the phone. I don’t give compliments but I do ask strange women to come to Paris with me!

The tirade went on for so long, teetering on mean.

At 3 am, I said, “I am not enjoying this and you are welcome. I stayed on the phone for two hours longer than I wanted to. Good night.”

I turned off my phone but was now too wired to sleep.

This morning I was afraid to turn on my phone.

“Good morning. I am intense. I know that. I love talking to you. Intelligent woman are my Achille’s heal and you are tickling that heal in all the right ways.”

“Good morning,” I text.

“Come to Paris with me.”

Tell me, dear readers – what’s happening here?

There is so much I haven’t told you but this post is already longer than I intended.

Until I text again! I mean,

Until I date again!




12 thoughts on “Come to Paris with Me

  1. First, let me say that I have Also been tricked into dating an inmate (more times than I care to admit). I mean that’s obviously what’s happening here, right? Why else would he drag your conversations on and on? He clearly didn’t ask for nudes or booby pics, because as an avid blog follower I know you would have bragged about that and then told us to look for it in your book. When is your memoir coming out again?? Don’t want to miss that one.!

    So Let’s be honest with ourselves, any half way decent man with a pulse would have given up talking to you out of sheer boredom within a couple of hours. No, no, this is the work of a deranged man who has been incarcerated, and has absolutely nothing else to do with his life. He seems very articulate, but obviously old (because he hates your super long selfie stick that you’re always using in bed), so maybe he’s a senile doctor who killed a few of his patients at a botched Botox party. Riker’s is full of those guys…and meth heads. Is it possible he’s so gone that he thinks you’re his sister, and that’s why he’s THWARTING any and all sexual advances from you? I mean, guys that have been locked up will literally fuck ANYTHING, even men, but they probably draw the line at sisters :/ AND I bet the reason why he’s making you sleep on the sofa in “Paris” is because there’s no room for both of your rotund bodies on his prison cot. HOW RUDE. He’s never even seen the lower half of your body, he’s just assuming you’re obese because of the veiled chest-up selfies you post constantly.

    You’re right, men are disgusting. There really needs to be more stringent penalties for contraband cell phones in the slammer. I’m going to write a letter to the prison wardens of NY and send them this blog post. If your prison boyfriend’s recalcitrant responses to your desperate attempts at affection towards him don’t move the needle of justice for harsher inmate rules, I don’t know what will! YOU are a hero, and you stand up for all of us aging, bitter, plus size foodies who just want to be loved (yes, even by the scum of society). Inmate girlfriends are people too! Rock on #DateGirl

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow that’s some comment. You are assuming a lot of things about me that couldn’t be more untrue. I will respond more fully after I have my cup of coffee. Thanks for reading and responding though

      Liked by 1 person

      1. For sureness! Any time 🙂 I just felt COMPELLED to write you after reading how similar your love woes are to mine. I mean, to be rejected and humiliated again, and again, and again like some bad Adam Sandler B movie is tough on us old girls. Wanted you to know you’re not alone, and thought maybe we could form some sort of support group??


      2. Once again, I am so happy that you are reading and feeling compelled to write me – it truly means a lot. BUT I have to say vehemently that I don’t necessarily feel humiliated – at least in this Paris guy scenario. I am now playing a “game” with this guy and am fully aware of what I am doing. I have been rejected many times – but I have also rejected many.
        I feel lucky that I am a self aware and self confident person with a large dose of high self esteem.

        Lastly, about the selfies – I put them because I wouldn’t put pictures of the guys that I speak of and I have noticed that people tend to click on a post that has a real human’s picture. And so I do it.

        But – I shall address your first comment in detail at some point soon 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I finally caught up with your Parisian saga.

    I don’t think this guy is incarcerated. That is not what I get from his reluctance to talk or meet.

    Based on the messages you posted it appears that Paris guy is a no-bullshit person who knows what he wants and likes to do things his way. People like this can be annoying and irritating because they can be very direct and tactless, as exemplified by his short and pointed messages. On the other hand, people like this can also be very refreshing because they don’t leave you guessing and are good at saying what they feel and acting on their feelings. This is also exemplified by his messages. When you get on his nerves, he tells you very directly. If he doesn’t like a picture, he tells you exactly what he thinks.

    Question is, can you handle a guy who is direct, honest and sometimes a tactless jerk, or a passive-aggressive spineless wimp who avoids confrontation and disappears while leaving you guessing. It seems like you’ve mostly had the latter kind. I am currently seeing someone like Paris-man. It’s different but refreshing. I’ll do a post about my guy on my blog when I have some more time. Here’s what I can share based on my own experience. If you are still talking to him and if he is still interested, pursue it. If he is good looking, older and successful he’s probably made it this far by dealing with the world on his terms and he knows what works for him. Guys like this don’t want to waste their time and want to protect what works for them. They are also usually wary of letting people in without carefully screening them. He’s either a loner or has a small group of friends that he’s very tight with. In both cases, he really has to deem you worthy to get close to him. If he’s the kind of guy who seeks the counsel of close and protective friends, then you are looking at even more reluctance and a harder battle. Especially if he has issues with his parents like you said.

    Also, keep in mind, good looking, older guys with money are constantly being hit up by gold digging bimbos and they end up developing an evasive stance towards women they don’t know and trust. He seems like a very smart man with a hint of arrogance and swagger. The tone in his messages also suggest a guy who doesn’t back down from a fight and keeps fighting until he gets his point across or breaks the other person down. Again, great if such a person is on your side. Nerve wracking and agonizing if you’re in their crosshairs and don’t have the fortitude to fight on their level.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for this – I mostly agree with you. I am sure he is not incarcerated and I think I can keep up with his dry, wry, swaggering nature – because many a time I am the same way. That is hard for many people to handle or even understand. After the last interaction where I told him that I was cranky, we haven;t communicated until yesterday when he said hi and I returned the hi. I believe he returns this week and hopefully we meet next week. He is certainly intriguing to me – whether we have a connection won’t be decided till after we meet. Until then I shall communicate with him and see what transpires.
    Again, I thank you for your comment and you are one of the few people who sees this thing as I do.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great. If he is initiating conversation days after your argument, he is still intrigued and his attention hasn’t shifted to someone else. Why is he in Paris for a whole month? Is he French or does he live there? Maybe he wants a long distance thing. Also, French/European guys have different expectations.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s