Dear Men, Learn to Ask a Girl Out Correctly or Fuck Off!

 

IMG_0742

“Take the train and come to Long Island,” he texts.

It’s 8:30 PM on a Saturday night.  I am in my pajamas with an egg roll in one hand the clicker in the other, having a full fledged Chinese food and Netflix binge.

The person who sent the above text – I have never met. We have had several phone conversations in the past couple weeks and that’s it.

I have made it clear in the past that I would love to meet, and that the next time he is in the city – he should call me and we can meet for a drink.

 

IMG_8119

That text doesn’t even warrant a response at that time. And so I continued chomping on the greasy egg roll and then on to the chow fun.

The next morning I send him a text simply stating, “let’s have a drink the next time you are in my neck of the woods.”

Between the Netflix episodes when you have 17, 16, 15 seconds till the next episode begins, I couldn’t help think about the mind set of a guy who sends a girl he has never met the above text.

At best it is a an innocent impulsive text.

But since I did not fall off the turnip truck yesterday, I know that it is unlikely that this was an innocent text.

First of all it is highly presumptive to expect to meet someone on a Saturday night with zero notice. And, if I had fallen on my head reaching for the chopsticks and knocked all the sense out of my head and I did decide to meet him – it would mean that I would be dressed earliest by 9 PM.  Then I would drag my ass to Penn Station, look for the right train to Long Island and arrive to meet a total stranger at 11 PM!

Yah. That’s gonna happen when hell freezes over and all the devils go ice skating!

I wondered how many other girls he had sent the same text to and how many, if any couldn’t resist the most irresistible offer.

The final nail in the coffin of this clueless guy came last Sunday, a couple weeks after the Saturday invite.

“What are you doing? I miss you. But am so busy 😦 ”

“I am upstate with my friends.”

“Are we ever gonna meet? You are always so busy.”

“Really?”

“Lol,” is his lame reply.

“Your best offer thus far has been asking me to take a train in the middle of the night.  Very gentlemanly.”

“Okay, keep next Sunday for us.”

“Laters,” I text back. What I am really saying is, ‘I won’t hold my breath.’

I am writing this on Saturday afternoon. Tomorrow is our date which he will be going on alone or with another girl who is not me.

I have created a very simple set of rules for myself:

If you are not grown up enough to ask a girl out in a proper manner, it’s not gonna happen.

If you are too busy to get in touch especially to do the above, then I am not the girl for you.

Until I date again!

 

 

 

Learning to be Still with Myself

The following words may appear contradictory to some after my last post.

I disagree.

I believe I should take a sabbatical from dating sites. It’s getting to be too much.

Since I am enjoying my new phrase-‘looking for someone to be still with,’ I think I will start with myself.

Lots is happening and I need to focus on other aspects of my life which are far more pressing.

Have I given up?

Not in the least.

If a boy comes along – a boy comes along.

But for now I focus on me, myself and I.

And in the meantime, I am just going to be still with myself.

Until I date again!

Someone to be Still With

I have been taking a writing class to help me write the book that I am working on. It is a memoir about my dating experiences amongst other things.

I had submitted some samples of writing and one of the critiques I received was that the reader didn’t know my motivation for all this dating. While they only got snippets of my writing, it was the consensus that they wanted to know more about me and why I do this.

It’s very simple really. I would like to meet someone who becomes a partner in life. I don’t need a legal document of marriage to feel happy or secure. I do want him to want to be with me and vice versa. Someone who can share in the good, the bad and ugly. I don’t need him to ‘complete ‘ me, save me or even look after me financially. I do want him to complement my life by giving me the joy that two people in love can feel.

Sounds simple doesn’t it?

Yes it does.

Is it?

Not for me, it hasn’t been.

Many many years ago a friend of mine would go on a date almost every day of the week. When I asked her how she does it, she said, “it’s a numbers game.”

It never made sense to me until now.

While I don’t go on nearly as many dates as she did, I do feel that I have to talk and meet as many people as I can to get what I want.

Sometimes it feels like an exercise in futility but then I tell myself that one doesn’t get anything by doing nothing.

The other day I said to a friend that “I just want someone to be still with and someone who wants to be still with me.”

She said that Carrie from Sex and the City said the exact same thing to Mr. Big.

Hmmmmm who knew.

So that’s what I want. I want someone to be still with.

I don’t think that’s asking too much but it certainly seems like I have to jump through a tremendous amount of hoops to get there.

I have faith that I will get there though.

Until I date again!

In lieu of telling him this, I blog about it 


Scenario one: he keeps his distance because he can’t be what I want him to be and knows I have an unreasonable weakness for him. 

That makes him a sweetheart. 

Scenario two: he keeps his distance because he couldn’t care less and is an asshole. 
I highly doubt that it’s the second and that makes me love him more. 

Until I date again!

How Can it Be?


How can the same man who’s embrace could soothe your soul

Be the same man who crushes said soul?

How can you be angry, sometimes numb… but still can’t stop the tears running down your cheeks?

How can you hate him so …

Yet yearn for the comfort that he was once able to be?

How can the man who said, ‘I could live in your hug’ be the same man that can leave scars that will never disappear?

I don’t know the answers to any of these questions.

I just know that this is often my truth.

Some days more so than others.

Where I Conduct an Unscientific Experiment of Appearance

Some posts are just so hard to complete. I walk around for days or weeks with an unfinished post – a few sentences or thoughts here and there – on my phone, in a notebook, or saved as a draft on my blog.

Perhaps because certain topics are too complex or vast, while others are thoughts that are not fully formed in my head yet.

 

In the spirit of simplifying matters.

I want to conduct an unscientific experiment. The above is a wig. Yes it is.

I would like to see if I am treated any differently if I am out at a bar, lets say – wearing this wig. Also, do I feel differently?

Let’s see.

I intend to take it for a test drive this weekend and see what transpires.

I have some hypotheses which I shall share will you when I share the results of my experiment with you.

Until then, if you are inspired to share how important you think appearance is when choosing a mate … I would love to hear.

Until I date again!

 

You Didn’t Just Say That!

 

IMG_3711

“I was at a party the other night and a girl hit on me but I told her I was married.”

“Why? You are not married.”

“I don’t know I got so nervous and that’s all that came to mind.”

“I see.”

“Besides I don’t want to date anyone till you and I meet because I feel that we will along famously.”

“That’s sweet,” I texted back with a tiny pang of guilt that I had no such rule for myself. But who am I kidding – not really.

“We should meet soon then,” I added.

“Yes, sweetie – let’s shoot for this weekend.”

Later that night we spoke on the phone and I asked him once again why he didn’t accept the advances of the very pretty girl at the party.

“Well, she appeared very high maintenance by the way she was dressed. She was really beautiful. Since high school I have stayed away from the most beautiful girl.”

I said nothing.

“I would rather go out with an average looking girl.”

I want a medal, dear reader – I said nothing!

By this I don’t mean that on my most delusional, unicorn riding day, do I think that I am the most, or even close to the most beautiful girl in any room – but as he was speaking I was thinking if I would say the following:

I picked you because you are just average, not so handsome at all… but you’ll do.

This man has many good qualities and so I can overlook this tiny faux pas – but I was just compelled to share that sometimes we all speak without thinking – I know I do.

Until I date again!